Everyone has personal preferences when it comes to
sex. Some people like to be in control (top lover), while others like to be taken control of (bottom lover). When preferences are played out night after night, they may become boring and your
sex life stagnant. There is nothing wrong with which position, or role you prefer. I mean, just because you like beer, doesn't mean you don't want to dip into the cognac once in a while., right? In fact, your preference may be slightly different each time you hit the sheets. The point is, you can be a great top, or bottom, lover, and learn to be a great bottom, or top, lover too. You and your partner are then able to take advantage of the best of both worlds while keeping your
sex life spicy, spontaneous and fun.
Who's a top and who's a bottom?
The common stereotype when it comes to sex is that males are "toppers" and females are "bottomers." The missionary position is a classic example of this. Toppers may be seen as more dominating when it comes to sex, specifically in initiating the acts. This type cast may be related to the typecast of gender roles (aka what rules you should follow dependent on your sex). If you're male, being masculine means being in control and if you're female, it means being feminine and submissive. The critical question is, who defined these gender roles as being true and why do we let them inhibit our sexual relationships? Part of the inhibition of sex, and sexual acts, is the fear fact that "breaking the norm" threatens that you are not masculine, feminine, or normal. Well, screw that, literally. Breaking these stereotypes is one step closer to fulfilling you and your partners needs and wants in the bedroom. Besides, nobody invited those judgemental, sex deprived, living vicariously through other people's fantasy, stereotyping jerks anyways!
How does one go from top to bottom, or vice versa?
There are many playful ways you and your partner can switch things up in your sex lives. Starting by changing positions is a great and effective way to do so. The idea is to make the act playful and semi-spontaneous, so who gets to be on top, or on the bottom is a surprise. It helps to go further than say, rolling dice, to determine who takes what position. Rolling the dice, or flipping a coin, is the same as sex without foreplay, especially for women. It may make initiating sex mechanical and dry, literally.
Try doing something physical to get your heart rates up, touch each other and entice your sexual appetite. Here are some examples:
Try having an underwear-only wrestling match. Strip down to your skivvies in the dark, as quickly as possible with one person standing by lamp, flip on the light and let the games begin! Wrestle with each other until one person pins down the other, the person who gets pinned first ends up being on the bottom. Here's a hint, do try, but let her win once in a while, without making it obvious.
Take each other's clothes off with your teeth, lips and tongue only. Here, the first person to come in contact with skin, aka teeth, lips, tongue to skin ends up being on the top. Here is when you can flip a coin to see who goes first. After the first person successfully removes an item it is time for the next person to give it a whirl. The point is to get beyond shirt and pants, to make things a little hotter. This is anyone's game.
Who could forget the classic Twister game? Images of sexual twister pop up everywhere, have you thought of giving it a try? To spice things up more, why not try oral sex twister! This game works as follows: you and your partner strip bare and take your starting positions on the board (each foot on two different circles), start playing the game until you are intertwined in each other's arms, legs, and so on. Here's the catch"¦any time a part of your partner's body is in the vicinity of your face, and vice versa, tantalize, lick, tease and suck them. The point is to make them quiver with ecstasy to the point where they can't hold their position any longer and fall, thus you (or them) win the game. The winner gets to choose who's on top or on the bottom. If you win, let her be on top. Chances are she may be so riled up about losing that she's going to give it to you good in the sack. Enjoy!
I don't think I can take a different role"¦
If you don't think you can go from top to bottom, or bottom to top, chances are you're not only wrong, but also something is inhibiting you. There is no reason to say a domineering executive, construction worker or any other type of person cannot secretly love being dominated by their partner. If you haven't thought about it this way give it a try, this is your chance to lose control, give up the responsibility of being the initiator, let loose. Also, there are no rules saying that the most quiet, shy or timid people don't like letting loose in the bedroom. Given the chance, they may surprise you! It's all about communicating and talking about where you stand, what you think, and how you both want to grow in your relationship. This is about the two of you, and not about what the neighbours would think, they're never going to find out anyhow, and besides, they're probably doing it, or wish they were, themselves!
How can I learn to be a good top or bottom lover?
Just because you're good at one position, doesn't mean you will be good at the other.
If you're used to being a good top lover it probably means you initiate sex, stimulate your partner to the point where they are ready for intercourse, slide on top and do your thing. Switching to a bottom position means not only giving up control and surrendering, it also means being patient. Each relationship is different. If you're used to holding the reins and guiding you and your partner in to ecstasy, things are going to be different when it is now that other persons turn. Being on top for a woman is a different experience, not only are your body parts different, but the motions and movements for intercourse are different too. Let her explore and try her thing. If you find you're trying to manipulate your top you're being what's know as a "pushy bottom," a bottom who may be trying to turn the situation around to where you want it to go. Relax and enjoy it. If your partner starts to tire, it's ok to switch positions, let her make the decisions and remember practice makes perfect.
If you're used to being a good bottom lover there are lots of things you can do to be a good top. One of the things to remember is that as the initiator it is good to listen and respond to how your bottom is reacting to your actions. This may mean verbally, "yes, yes"¦" is a good sign they like what you're doing versus silence which may mean they aren't enjoying themselves, it may also mean physically, are they wiggling in pleasure or pain? Take your time and "listen" to what your partner is "telling" you. Relax, go with the flow and focus your attention on your bottom lover. Look into their eyes, ask them what they want of you and give it to them. At the same time remember this; don't forget to do what pleases you too. Being on top is a balance of giving and taking in a manner that you're both comfortable with. Initiate the positions and physically move your partner around. Take charge and don't worry about what you should doing, or if you're doing it correctly. Roll with it, if something you've initiated isn't working change it. It's ok!
Enjoying yourself
The whole point of this article is to provide options for you and your partner to enjoy each other. This enjoyment may not only fulfill each other's sexual desires, but will seep into the rest of your relationship as well. It is as much about listening and responding to each other as it is about building trust and communication. The best scenarios is this, you take what was offered in this article and manipulate it to fit you and your partner's desires. Take some time for the two of you and pay homage to your relationship, from top to bottom!
