No More Monkey Business for Paris, Xtina to Wed?

Celebrity socialite PARIS HILTON has been ordered to give up her pet monkey -- after illegally smuggling it across the state line. According to the New York Post, the hotel heiress picked up the exotic kinkajou (a rare relation of the raccoon) on a recent trip to Las Vegas.

But her new primate companion -- named BABY LUV -- is illegal in Hilton's hometown of Los Angeles and the authorities are demanding she return it.

A spokesman for the California Department for Fish and Game explained, "We'll send them a letter to let them know we're aware they have a restricted species."

A spokewoman for (PETA) People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals added, "It seems Paris thinks animals are as disposable as friends and fiances." (Hilton recently ended her brief engagement to shipping heir Paris Latsis.)

But Baby Luv has already got her revenge on Hilton -- after attacking her while out shopping earlier this week. According to reports, the monkey bit the 'Simple Life' star and clawed at her face as she entered the trendy lingerie boutique Agent Provocateur with the monkey on her shoulder. Paris then spent over $4,000 on lacy bras, panties and a kinky bullwhip.

Luckily, Hilton managed to pull the monkey away before tying Baby Luv's leash onto a cabinet so she could shop in peace.

TARA MAKES MOMS NERVOUS
November 20, 2005

According to MSNBC, actress TARA REID was uncharacteristically well-behaved at her 30th birthday party -- and it may be because her mother was there watching over her.

“She wasn’t falling all over the tables like she sometimes does,” says one attendee, a regular at such events. “It might have something to do with the fact that her mom was sitting there eagle-eyeing her all night.”

At one point, Reid took to the drums and started jamming away. “She was wild and swinging her hair back and forth and the crowd was really getting into it,” reports the source. “She turned around to freak dance with some guy and a hand reached out and pulled her away. It was her mom.”

The source adds that Reid was wearing a red dress that “actually covered her up, she didn’t have body parts sticking out all over.” What’s more, “it seemed that pretty much none of Tara’s celebrity friends showed up for the party.”

The bash was held at the L.A. club Mood, while a number of big name stars, including NICOLE RITCHIE, ROSE MCGOWAN and LEONARDO DICAPRIO were at a nearby party at a place called Privilege. So, after a while, sources say, Reid went to that party. No word on whether her mom followed her there.

In related news, Radar Online reports that Senator HILLARY CLINTON has been in panic mode ever since she learned her only child, CHELSEA, has been spending a lot of time with the wild party girl Reid. Sources say the unlikely friendship remained out of the spotlight until the two flew to Las Vegas together in late September to attend the star-studded opening of Tao at the Venetian hotel.

"I think someone emailed a picture of Chelsea and Tara together in Vegas to Hillary," a Capitol Hill staffer tells the website. "All I know is I hear Hillary went nuts. She's getting ready to run for President and her daughter is hanging out with Hollywood's biggest mess."

Insiders say Chelsea has strict orders now not be seen in public with Reid.

PARIS SPLITS WITH STAVROS
November 20 ,2005

According to Star magazine, celebrity socialite PARIS HILTON and her Greek lover of just over a month, STAVROS NIARCHOS, have broken up. The split happened on the heels of the couple's wild weekend in Las Vegas, where they joined KELLY OSBOURNE at her 21st birthday. But while Paris and Kelly hung out in the Penthouse of the Hard Rock Hotel, Stavros was downstairs having a pillow fight that cost thousands of dollars worth of damage. The 20-year-old shipping heir caused a staggering $102,000 of damage by smashing furniture and setting off sprinklers at the plush hotel, where at least four rooms suffered water damage. The carnage resulted in the entire hotel being evacuated.

After paying for the mess, the boy billionaire blames his behavior on Paris's influence.

"[Paris is] forever saying, 'Let's party hard like rock stars.' Every night has to be a party," a source close to Niarchos told the tabloid publication. But once Stavros followed her advice and did party hard, Paris was enraged.”

"I don't want Hard Rock to think I bring in people who do this," she was overheard saying. For Paris to complain about his antics was the last straw for Stavros. The source says, "They broke up November 13. Stavros told Paris that things are out of control and he's through with the drama. He said to her, 'I need time to reflect. I should have been home today studying, instead I am here paying $100,000 worth of bills.'"

ANNA NICOLE’S LESBIAN SEX CLAIM
November 20, 2005

According to the New York Post, buxom blonde actress ANNA NICOLE SMITH had a wild night of lesbian passion with a sexy barmaid.

Smith -- who has previously admitted to bisexual tendencies -- had been playing bingo for charity at Hollywood restaurant Hamburger Mary's last week when the striking young bar girl, said to be called TRACY, caught her eye.

According to reports, Smith immediately started flirting with the attractive blonde before heading home with her after her shift. The next day, the barmaid came back into work boasting of her sexual escapades with the former Playboy pinup and began showing off pictures of herself taken on her digital camera.

A source tells the newspaper, "Tracy wasn't keeping it a secret. Anna Nicole put her in handcuffs and her neck was covered with hickeys. Anna Nicole was also doing that butt-slapping thing - it was bizarre.”

XXX-TINA TO WED ON SATURDAY
November 20, 2005

The New York Post is reporting that pop diva CHRISTINA AGUILERA and her fiance, JORDAN BRATMAN, are to wed in California's Napa Valley on Saturday, after a lavish two-day party.

The pop superstar and her record executive beau reportedly have booked out a winery estate for the nuptials and plan to make the event an extravagant celebration.

Aguilera reportedly will wear a gown designed for her by French fashion icon CHRISTIAN LACROIX, and she will arrive at the ceremony in a luxurious white Rolls Royce Phantom.

The couple will stage the rehearsal dinner Friday at an acclaimed local restaurant.

The lovers are going to great lengths to keep the ceremony as hush-hush as possible -- it will be staged in a huge tent on the edge of a forest.

The singer, 24, and her 26-year-old husband-to-be -- who have been together for 3 years now -- announced their engagement earlier this year.

Guests attending the wedding have been asked to donate cash to the Hurricane Katrina relief effort, rather than buy presents for the couple.

KIMBERLY STEWART ENGAGED
November 20, 2005

Entertainment Tonight has confirmed that KIMBERLY STEWART is engaged to ‘Laguna Beach’ cast member TALAN TORRIERO.

The 26-year-old daughter of rock legend ROD STEWART recently split from ‘Girls Gone Wild’ producer JOE FRANCIS and was previously engaged to musician CISCO ADLER back in autumn of 2004.

The duo -- who have reportedly been dating for just two months -- made their first public appearance as an engaged couple Wednesday night at the XBox 360 party in Beverly Hills, where Stewart flaunted her multiple-carat diamond ring. Torriero, who is 7 years younger than Stewart, recently revealed to MTV that he is in the process of making an album.

No word yet on a wedding date for the lovebirds.

PAM LOVES HER ROCKERS
November 20, 2005

Actress PAM ANDERSON is rumored to be dating yet another rocker. The former Baywatch beauty –- who’s dated bad boy rockers BRET MICHAELS, TOMMY LEE and KID ROCK -– is now reportedly romantically involved with Sugar Ray frontman, MARK MCGRATH.

According to Page Six, the new couple "spent the weekend at Anderson's Malibu home, leaving only to go food shopping." McGrath, who now hosts entertainment TV show, "Extra," is no stranger to dating celebrities having been previously linked with MADONNA, RACHEL HUNTER and JORDANA BREWSTER.

TYRA LOVES HER BALLERS
November 20, 2005

According to British Vogue, supermodel TYRA BANKS has found love again with Italian entrepreneur and former basketball star GIANCARLO MARCACCINI.

Banks -- who has previously dated basketball superstar CHRIS WEBBER -- insists her new romance is for real, stating, "I'm not living in fear that I'll never find love anymore. I want to get married. I want to have kids."

Marcaccini definitely fits the mold as Banks' Mr. Perfect -- she recently told her talk show audience that her ideal man is "a guy who's my age, who has a good job, and can take me out."

At 33, the Italian stud is just two years older than the catwalk beauty and he owns a successful ice-cream business.

HEIDI’S WHITE HOUSE STUD FARM
November 20, 2005

Former Hollywood madam HEIDI FLEISS is set to open a "stud farm" that will offer attractive male prostitutes to female customers.

Las Vegas KLASTV news channel is reporting that Fleiss will open the brothel in Crystal, Nevada and has a grand design in mind -- a replica of the White House.

The small town of Crystal is in Nye County, one of 10 in Nevada where prostitution is legal.

She says, "I am moving to Crystal. I am opening up a stud farm. I am going to have the sexiest men on earth. Women are going to love it."

“It will work. They have the Eiffel Tower there, the Pyramids. So it's time for the White House. You build the White House and it will work. You want something the way it should be. Natural, beautiful, and that's what it is. It's just sex."

But Fleiss has a few legal problems to overcome before she can settle into her new job as a madam -- as a convicted felon she could be banned from participating in the legal sex trade. In 1995, she was convicted of running a prostitution ring and was sentenced to three years in prison.

FORMER ‘BAYWATCH’ BABE BREAKS HER NECK
November 20, 2005

Former "Baywatch" beauty BROOKE BURNS has been hospitalized after breaking her neck in a swimming pool accident.

Burns -- who also hosts the TV show "Dog Eat Dog" -- hit her head on the pool floor in her garden after a dive went horribly wrong on Friday.

She needed minor surgery to correct a broken bone in her neck but returned home Tuesday. Her spokesperson announced, "There's no permanent damage. She will begin work as scheduled in January."

TYSON’S 'DWARF' COMPLEX
November 20, 2005

Former heavyweight boxing champ MIKE TYSON is baffled by his feared status and popularity with women -- because he sees himself as an ugly dwarf.

The troubled ex-boxer admits he has always been self-conscious about his height, and wishes he had inherited his family's taller genes.

Tyson whines, "I looked at myself in the mirror the other day and said to myself, 'You're a dwarf.' I measured myself as five feet 10 inches.”

"When I think about the women I have slept with, I think to myself, 'These women must go out with anybody if they have got money, because I wouldn't go out with me.

"I'm a f*cking dwarf! Everyone in my family is 6 feet. What happened to me?”

"I'm a tree stump. A fire hydrant. People p*ss on fire hydrants, man!"

For your information, the average height for American men is approximately five feet 9 inches.

TYRA AND NAOMI KISS AND MAKE UP
November 20, 2005

Supermodel divas TYRA BANKS and NAOMI CAMPBELL are ditching their long-running feud -- with Campbell even agreeing to appear on her former rival's new talk show.

Banks admits she was terrified of the hot-tempered Campbell for 14 years, and has previously described the British beauty as "hateful."

But last week, Banks embraced Campbell at a New York fashion show.

The model-turned-talk-show-host tells the New York Daily News, "It was the first time I've been in a room with Naomi when I didn't fear her."

The twosome appeared together on Banks' show in a display of friendship and sisterhood.

You go girls!

BRITNEY’S HUSBAND BREAKS HIS HAND
November 20, 2005

Pop princess BRITNEY SPEARS' husband KEVEN FEDERLINE has broken his hand -- after spinning out of control on the dance floor.

The so-called professional dancer was seen falling from a podium in trendy Los Angeles nightspot after one too many overzealous dance moves.

The 27-year-old -- who was recently slammed for leaving his newborn baby, SEAN PRESTON to party -- has been seen wearing a bandage on his left hand.

A fellow club reveller is quoted by Britain's Daily Star newspaper as saying, "Britney must have been at home with their baby son and Kevin was messing around dancing with his mates.”

"He was really going for it, throwing some seriously mad moves, when he suddenly slipped and landed on his butt. His arm got caught and he has fractured his left hand."

VOIGHT DATING ROSS?
November 20, 2005

According to Contact Music, actress ANGELINA JOLIE's estranged father, JON VOIGHT, reportedly has found love with soul diva DIANA ROSS.

The couple – who were introduced by Motown founder BERRY GORDON -- arrived together hand in hand at the recent Hollywood tribute to Ross' 1972 movie "Lady Sings the Blues," and pals claim they're very much in love.

A friend maintains the movie tribute was the perfect opportunity for Voight to be introduced to Ross' children.

The pal says, "It was the first time all the kids met him together and it was obvious that he charmed them.

"At one point, when he was introduced to a family friend, one of Diana's daughters cracked, 'Jon's one of us.'"

Friends claim the couple have been fond of each other for years but didn't embark on a romance until last month when Gordon set them up on a dinner date.

DOES THE GAME GOT GAME?
November 20, 2005

E!Online reports that 6'4" rapper THE GAME has bought a stake in a new American Basketball Association (ABA) team, the Inglewood Cobras, and plans to also play for the team. But, the 25-year-old Compton native is no rookie to the sport; he was a star player in high school, and he attended Washington State University on a basketball scholarship before being forced to leave the school over drug allegations.

CHRIS KLEIN’S BIG MOUTH AND OTHER CELEBRITY BLUNDERS
November 20, 2005

Actor CHRIS KLEIN was recently interviewed by Elle magazine where he became a publicist’s worst nightmare by describing himself to the popular women’s publication as an "alpha heterosexual" who only dates women that were "8 to 10's".

Among these politically incorrect things to say, Klein continued with his rants. Here are some samples of Klein’s views on various topics.

On cooking for a date: "I don't need food to impress, man. It's a flash of a smile and a nice conversation. And at the end of the day, she's cooking the food."

On how to deal with a girlfriend putting on a few pounds: "I'm not tolerant of that at all. When a woman isn't feeling good about herself and you combine that with her period, eventually she'll ask you if you like her body. You have to say no. I don't placate."

On chivalry: "I was just trying to tell this chick to get lost. I try to treat all women with respect whether they're pretty or ugly. I want to be nice and be like, 'Wow, thanks for the attention. But get out of my face.'"

On meeting a new girl: "Hey, man, I'm not here to hold hands and baby-sit. She's got to come to the table with something."

Klein also said he's "very closed off until a woman deserves to know me completely", but isn’t broken up over Katie. "No way," he huffs. "I've got fantasy football to play."

In related news, the British Sun newspaper has compiled a collection of dumb celebrity quotes which includes these blunders by the following stars:

JESSICA SIMPSON: "Twenty-three is old. It's almost twenty-five, which is, like, almost mid-twenties."

TOM CRUISE: "I love kids. I was a kid once, myself."

PARIS HILTON: "I hate dead people."

ALICIA SILVERSTONE: "I think the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."