Every
relationship goes through its ups and downs and more often than not,
sex is a major part of
relationship bumps. Unless you are Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee, there is always the likelihood that one or both of you are not completely happy with the
sex in your
relationship. Here are some common
sex problems and some solutions. Check these out and try to apply them to your life, if needed.
You don't even have sex anymore...
Okay, so this might be more than something that can be fixed with a little Dr. Phil band aid. You love her and you are still attracted to her, but you just don't have sex anymore. Sometimes she's too tired, sometimes you are too tired and other times, the thought of getting her in the mood to do it seems like more work than it's worth when you can just masturbate in the shower using her favorite conditioner. Don't give up; there are a few ways to get your "mojos" back.
First you need to find out what the problem is. It's more than the fact that you are just not having sex anymore. Why are you not having sex with your partner? Is it because she's tired or because your new job is stressing you out? Perhaps it's something much bigger than that. If that's the case, you need to talk to your partner and reexamine your entire relationship. Maybe you are not having sex anymore because she can't stand the thought of touching your naked body. Or perhaps it is that you are no longer attracted to her after a few years of being together. Whatever the reason is, you need to talk about it and be honest with each other. Just climbing on top of her and forcing the sex isn't going to help anyone. She's just going to think that you are an inconsiderate control freak who only takes your own feelings into account without considering her sexual needs.
You just can't get it up...
Well, this is a multiple dimensional problem. If you're a young man and in relatively healthy shape, not being able to make your little soldier stand at attention should probably get your attention pretty quickly. But before you go ordering a lifetime supply of Viagra, make sure you talk to your partner about it and then consult a doctor. It may be a more serious problem, but it may be something simple or psychological that is preventing the blood from flowing properly.
There are a variety of reasons for impotence. It could be that you are just tired, stressed out or suffering from an illness. Or, you might be distressing over the pressure of performing. If you and her just hooked up, you might be worrying about not being able to perform to the best of your ability, worrying that you are a terrible lover and won't be able to bring her to orgasm.
You can only do it after watching porn...
There's probably a scientific name for this sort of disorder. Either way, this is something that's going to be a stumbling block in any relationship you have - unless you luck out and meet some woman who is also only in the mood to have sex after watching 19 hours of pornography. And even if that unlikely event occurs, at some point you are going to tired yourself of watching porn and become desensitized to it.
Rather than ignore this problem, you should probably talk to a sex expert. Maybe your problem isn't as big as you think it is. So you happened to watch "One Night in Paris" and then got turned on and decided to jump your girlfriend. That's not too unusual. But what is a problem is when your girlfriend is horny and naked and dripping with love juice and you still need to first watch an hour of other people having sex. This is going to make her feel unattractive and insecure because she alone is incapable of turning you on, but a fake-breasted, bleach-blonde bimbo in a poorly narrated porn flick gets your attention quickly. Talk to each other about it and try to slowly work your way into sex without all the porno accessories. Failing that, you might want to seek counseling together.
She can't have an orgasm...
It is a sad fact that there are thousands of women out there who've been having sex for years and still have never reached climax. Trista Rehn from the Bachelorette made this common problem more "famous" when she admitted that she'd also never had an orgasm during sex.
If this is the case with your girlfriend, don't beat yourself up over it too much. It might not be anything you are doing (or not doing) that is preventing her from coming. Like impotent men, sometimes this is just psychological and she needs to work through it with you. Encourage her and keep trying. Buy sex toys, sex books, and sex videos, if you think it will help.
Also, keep in mind that many women have admitted to faking orgasms during sex so that they don't have to deal with the fact that they can't come. Hopefully your girlfriend is honest with you and you can talk about the fact that she's just not reaching that blissful state. You can try having oral sex with her to bring her to climax. Many women need direct clitoral stimulation in order to have an orgasm, so part of the problem may also lie in the fact that you are simply thrusting away like a naive 15-year-old boy. Pay some attention to her needs first. She will reward you in the end.
There are a million more common sex problems. Whatever yours happens to be, talk to your partner about it and then work on finding a solution together. When everything finally clicks, the sex will blow you away!
