It's Friday night, and once again, all your dating options have come up dry. Never mind all the girls who turned you down in the past - you're still hurting from your most recent rejection. This time it was the sexy girl at the bar - after buying her three drinks, she decided she'd milked your wallet enough for the night and waltzed over to someone she thought was a little more appealing.
It's a tough way to start the weekend, and you're left wondering what the turn-off was - bad breath? Stupid haircut? Those beat-up Nike high-tops you've had since the 80s? Well hold onto those outdated sneakers - you might just be onto something.
For all the women in the world who say appearance doesn't matter, you and I both know that in most cases, this is as far from the truth as it gets. How you look - and how you dress - can determine whether or not you catch the eye of the girl at the night club, not to mention whether she goes home with you, or the goatee-wearing moron at the end of the bar. The same rules apply for other types of women - as you're about to find out.
A word of advice - these suggestions are for pick-ups only. If, two nights later, the YMCA sex goddess realizes you can't tell your biceps from your pectorals, or the bar girl realizes your clothing still has all the price tags on it, you're on your own!
The artist: She's the cutie in the apartment next to yours, a cross between sexy hippy and girl next door. She's also an artist, and the reason the hallway always seems to smell like paint thinner, which bothered you a lot more before you realized how hot she was. So far, your few attempts to strike up a conversation with this girl have all been shut down. You doubt she even remembers you from one day to another. She's not interested, period - and this means a perfect opportunity for you to reinvent yourself.
Dressing the part when it comes to the artist is easier than you'd think. Remember three simple words: "Vintage is good." She's looking for someone with his own unique sense of style, and you can achieve this for very little cash at your local Salvation Army thrift store. Those flared corduroy pants and retro button-up shirt might not be your typical streetwear, but she'll appreciate your originality. If the idea of wearing the same pants your grandfather wore twenty years ago makes you nauseous, you'll never pull this look off. Despite what you might think, it takes arrogance to wear campy t-shirts and walk the thin line between cool irony and definitely dorky. If you're leaning more towards the dorky end of the spectrum, scrap the idea entirely. Instead, try paying a visit to an independent designer for trendier, brand-new duds. This means steering clear of malls - the artist can smell mass-produced merchandise a mile away.
The bar girl: She's the sex fantasy you've been watching for all of...two hours. Low-cut top, skirt so tight it looks like it's vaccuum packed, and a look of complete boredom on her face. You've already showered her with alcohol (not literally) and praised everything from her stilettos to her keychain, and she's not buying it. Don't be discouraged - the bored look is an act. This girl knows what she wants, and if she doesn't think she can get it from you, she won't waste any time in moving on.
For the bar girl, sex appeal matters. In fact, it may be the only thing that matters - not a lot of girls look for true love at a club. While it's easier to dress for success, bar-style, it's a little more expensive than your artist-garb. In this case, you want to embrace the malls. This girl isn't looking for originality; she's looking for a type. Here are a few more words for you: "labels, labels, labels." This girl is looking for prestige and style, and in her mind, expensive brand-names are right on the money. Push Walmart as far from your mind as possible, and stop by a men's clothing store at the mall. If you're lost, ask an employee for help. If you show them three shirts and promise to buy the one that looks the best on you, you'll get an honest answer.
The fitness nut: she's the goddess of the gym, sweating her way through workout after workout while you sit, lonely and ignored, at the bench-press. She seems oblivious to everyone around her, including you, but don't mistake her intense focus for disinterest. Like anyone else, she's looking for someone with similar interests, but she's also accustomed to dealing with and turning down 300 pound muscle heads in spandex shorts. Try to learn a thing or two from her rejections, and their outdated outfits, so that you don't strike out the next time around.
To be honest, the fitness girl is a tricky catch - however optimistic we want to be, it's a pretty safe assumption that to this girl, muscles matter. But they aren't the only thing that matter - otherwise, the fanny-pack wearing jock with the shoulder-length mullet wouldn't have to give her his number every time they met. That means there's still hope for you, no matter how puny your arms, or paunchy your stomach. The key is to look cool and in control. Stay away from spandex (as if we need to tell you), and throw out every ratty pair of shorts and sweat-stained t-shirt from Acapulco in your closet. Invest in some real fitness gear. A good pair of shoes, some stylish shorts that don't fit like a pair of Speedos, and some new t-shirts that are designed to let air flow through are all some good investments. Don't spend an arm and a leg, just make sure your look is informed, not inflated. She'll recognize your attention to detail as well as your style. Here's a hint: wash your gym clothes once or twice before wearing them to the gym, and wear the shoes for a while around your house. This way, you can avoid something more dreaded than the stench of sweat - the smell of an amateur.
