Insomnia Recuperating the Sweet, Sweet Slumber of Your Youth

There are many things in life that we take for granted until they are gone: love, metabolism, banana seats, and, perhaps most importantly, sleep. Ah, sleep. What is better than that feeling of putting your cheek down on a cool, freshly washed pillow at the end of an exhausting day and sliding into sweet oblivion? For millions of people, unfortunately, there is no solace in their beds.

Well, if this is your fate, you are not alone. It is estimated that between 9 and 17% of the population suffers from some sort of chronic sleep disorder. While the age has an effect (those over 60 are most likely to suffer sleep disorders), the high incidence of chronic sleep disorders may have something to do with the staggering statistic that it takes people a staggering average of 12 years of poor sleep before they finally go to the doctor to get checked out. Boys, boys, boys. Get thee to a pharmacy!

Sweet slumber
Despite our advanced stage of scientific knowledge, no one really has any clear idea yet why we need sleep. We are fairly certain that it entails a rejuvenation process (wonder how much they spent on that study) in which the immune system cleanses itself, and then takes a rest from a tough day of battling evil. We also know that the body repairs itself using a hormone called somastatin.

The amount of sleep the adult human varies, depending on the person, but it is generally accepted that most adult humans need an average of 6-9 hours of sleep per night in order to function at an optimum level.

When the body is deprived of sleep, there are several side effects. The severity depends upon the length of deprivation. The insomniac will most likely find themselves becoming increasingly irritable and anxious in their daily activities. Memory, concentration and attention span will also be affected. In more extreme cases, it could affect your metabolism and also your immune system. In the most extreme case, it could prevent your lover from sleeping, and then you'll really suffer.

Causes of Insomnia
The term insomnia is a blanket term that refers to a broad range of sleep disorders. These can range from temporary interruption of regular sleep due to a stressful or anxiety-causing situation, the most common cause of transient (temporary) sleep disorders, to chronic conditions such as restless leg syndrome or sleep apnea. Restless leg syndrome is exactly what it sounds like, while sleep apnea is a condition where an individual actually stops breathing periodically in their sleep. It tends to reduce the restfulness of the snooze.

Other causes of sleep disorders, either transient or chronic, can include:

- Injury or chronic pain
- Side effects of certain medications
- Irregular sleep schedules
- Age
- Excessive consumption of alcohol, caffeine or cigarettes
- Conditioning

Some of these are situational and will pass, while others will have to be managed with the help of your doctor. As far as the excessive consumption of booze, smokes (including pot) and coffee, well, you're just going to have to prioritize. I mean, you've lived this long without sleep, right? Right?!

The last one is a fairly recent discovery. It seems that when you have suffered from sleep difficulties for any length of time, your body actually becomes accustomed to the sleep problems (in effect, you expect NOT to sleep, so you don't) and you turn into some sort of Pavlovian self-fulfilling prophecy.

Strategies to get your Zzzz
If you are having trouble sleeping, your first instinct shouldn't be to run straight to the pharmacy. Over-the-counter sleep aids may help you break the cycle of insomnia, but it cannot be used long term and you are better off getting to the root of your problems.

Here are some things you can try on your own:

- Control the time you go to bed and wake up. Pattern and routine are important to your body

- If you re lying in bed and cannot fall asleep within the first half hour, get up. Your body needs to recognize your bed as a place for sleeping (and maybe for sweet love), not restlessness.

- Speaking of sweet love, what puts a man to sleep faster than getting off? Tell your partner that nightly lovin' is what you need to you cure you (if you're keeping your partner up with your sleeplessness, she may be willing to try anything...)

- Don't nap during the day: this will confuse your body and you won't be tired at bedtime

- Avoid caffeine, smoking, large meals, exercise and booze right before bed (drink in the mornings!)

- Block all light, eliminate pesky sounds, get rid of that mattress you've had since you were 6.

- Have a bedtime ritual that will signal to your body that sleep is immanent. I recommend sex or warm milk (apparently milk has amino acids in it that boost serotonin in the brain)

- Deal with your anger, grief, stress already. Don't just keep pushing it deep, deep inside

- Try these relaxation exercises: tighten each of your muscles separately for 2-3 seconds and release them; go through your body and concentrate on relaxing each muscles, starting with your toes and working all the way up to your ears and scalp.

If none of these strategies work, then, for the love of Pete, go a doctor! They will most likely not start off with medication. Many of them will get you to keep a sleep diary for a few days to see what your patterns are. Get your partner to help you with this (who knows your sleep patterns better than the person you've been keeping up!).

If your doctor puts you on medication, don't get excited: it won't be the good ol' barbiturates that helped put Elvis to sleep forever. Sleep aids are now made of non-benzodiazepines, which are less addictive than yo' mama's sleeping pills and also allow the body to enter its natural sleeping stages.

If you are still having problems sleeping, then they will put you on a waiting list to visit one of your nation's sleep clinics, where you will sleep in a room with double-sided mirrors, a video camera recoding your every move, and those sticky white circle things on your chest. If that doesn't spell a great night's sleep, I don't know what does!

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