You are probably not the only man in your girlfriend’s life. She probably has male friends that she hung out with long before you came into her life, and she’s probably going to keep hanging out with them even with you around. And there’s nothing wrong with this – unless of course her relationships to her other male friends are inappropriately close.
How To Tell If She’s Too Close To Him
Who does she spend more time with?
A friend of mine is married and spends most of her time with a male friend, not her husband. She studies at his house (and they aren’t in class together); she goes out with him for drinks at least once a week; she plays in all-night poker games with him and his buddies; they take vacations together without their significant others; and she emails him constantly. Sounds like she’s dating her friend, doesn’t it?
Who does she call when something important happens in her life?
Does her "friend" expect to be the first one to hear from her when she lands that important job or when someone in her family passes away? Who does she call when she needs someone to talk to about something? Her friend or you?
Does she invite you out with her and her male friend(s)?
If you and your girlfriend hang out with her male friends as a group, that’s good. But if she leaves you behind every time she goes out with her male friends, it doesn’t sound like she wants you around too much. And if she doesn’t want you there, you should ask yourself (and her) why that is.
Do you like her male friends or is there tension between you?
If her male friends are not respectful of your relationship with your girlfriend and think that they should come first in her life, you are probably heading for a showdown with them. If they expect to be called first when something exciting happens it sounds like they are taking on the role you should have in her life.
Do people think she’s dating him instead of you?
Do your friends ask why she’s always with him? Have other people mistaken them for a couple? Do they interact like a dating couple? If the answer is yes to these questions, she’s definitely too close to her male friend.
Emotional Relationships
If you confront your girlfriend about her inappropriate relationships, she’ll likely reassure you that there’s nothing going on physically between her and her friend. But that doesn’t mean she’s not “cheating.” Having an emotional relationship with someone can often be more intense than having a physical relationship with them. You shouldn’t think that your relationship is healthy if your girlfriend lets you have sex with her, but then turns to her male buddies for emotional support. You need to be able to provide both physical and emotional support for her or she will look for it elsewhere. And, a relationship without any emotional attachments is never going to succeed because the sex will get boring after a while.
How can you give her the emotional relationship she craves?
If your girlfriend is looking for emotional support from other men, you should ask yourself what’s missing from your relationship with her. Do you talk to her about what’s important to her? Or is she just a booty call? Maybe the reason she is turning to other men for the emotional relationship she craves is because you aren’t providing her with any support. So before you accuse her of cheating on you with her friends, make sure you aren’t to blame.
What if you spend time with your girlfriends?
You’ve tried talking to her about her relationships with her male friends and you are getting nowhere. She just insists that there’s nothing physical going on with her male friends. If that’s the case and it still bothers you that she hangs out with her buddies, spend some quality time with your female friends and see if she notices. I asked my friend if it would bother her if her husband spent time with a female friend in the same way she spent time with her male friend and the answer was absolutely. So, if you want to turn the tables to get her to notice how it’s bothering you, you might want to try this. Sure, it may sound immature but if there’s no other way to get it through to her that you are jealous of the time she spends with her male friends, then you may just have to resort to this.
Deciding Whether To Stay Or Go
If her relationships with her male friends is continuing to be a sore spot in your relationship and she doesn’t want to change her actions, then you need to decide whether to stay with her and just deal with her friendships or whether the issue is so divisive that you need to break up over it. If she’s been hanging out with her friend for years, there’s probably nothing that you will say that will change her behavior. But if she’s madly in love with you and wants to keep you around, she’ll make some changes. Just don’t sit around like a doormat hoping that she’ll start loving you more than her male friends. If she doesn’t want to change and you need her to change in order to make the relationship work, you are best to get out of there as soon as possible and find someone else to be with.
