Relationships can be difficult to manage at the best of times. Even when you and your partner get along and have lots of things in common, there are always times when you have to work extra hard to maintain a happy, healthy
relationship. Relationships can be even more difficult when there are differences between you and your partner. This article focuses on the troubles that can arise in relationships when one partner is into recreational drug use and/or alcohol and the other isn’t. Does this matter? How do you deal with it?
Alcohol
Individuals who do not drink at all are rarer than those that do engage in social drinking. So, if you are dating someone that doesn’t drink at all, this is less common. The first question you should ask your partner is why she doesn’t drink. Different people have different reasons for not drinking and some of those reasons might be very important to the non-drinker – so important that they can cause a rift between the two of you.
For example, maybe she doesn’t drink for religious reasons. If this is the case, then there might be more difficulties between the two of you because she obviously holds her religious beliefs closely. So, in such a situation, any alcohol use might be improper and can cause friction.
On the other hand, it might be that your partner doesn’t drink for health reasons. Perhaps she doesn’t want the extra calories or maybe she doesn’t like the negative health side effects of alcohol. If that’s the case, then the fact that you drink might not be an issue unless, of course, your partner is a fanatic health freak who will be upset if you don’t follow her health regime too.
Or, maybe she just doesn’t like the taste of alcohol. This is simple to handle because it just ends up being a matter of taste, and not principle or religion. If you happen to like beer and she doesn’t, chances are your relationship won’t be any worse off as a result.
However, if she doesn’t drink because she has a drinking problem and has gone to AA, you really need to speak to her about her feelings on your drinking habits. Some people who have been in AA for years no longer feel the temptation to drink and therefore aren’t threatened by other people around them drinking. However, there are others who are still tempted by alcohol and you may need to show some compassion in this regard.
Drug Use
Drug use, even recreational, is generally less accepted than alcohol use. That means that there are likely going to be more problems between you and your partner as a result of your recreational drug use. Again, it depends on the reasons that she is opposed to recreational drug use. Perhaps she is afraid of the health risks associated with recreational drug use or maybe she is afraid of the possibility of drug addiction. Whatever the reason, if your girlfriend is opposed to your drug use, then you are going to have to deal with the issue sooner or later.
The seriousness of this issue will depend on the facts of any scenario. What kind of drugs do you use? How often do you use them? Do you have financial difficulties that are worsened by your drug use? Smoking pot occasionally is different than spending thousands of dollars on cocaine, for example. If the drug you are doing is hampering your lifestyle or ability to work or hold down a job, you probably have a problem with drugs and your partner will be able to see this. If you have a problem with drugs, then you won’t be able to control that problem unless you quit using the drugs altogether.
How To Deal With Your Differences
When one partner likes to drink and the other doesn’t, problems can arise. The key to dealing with these problems is in knowing their origin. For example, let’s say that when you and your girlfriend go out for the night with friends, you make getting drunk a regular routine. This will invariably cause problems in your relationship because sober people don’t find drunk people as funny or attractive as they think they are. If you are always drunk, then she’s going to start getting mad. Plus, it will affect your sex life because you’ll find it difficult to “get it up” when you have been drinking and this may make her very unhappy.
If you see that there might be potential problems in your relationship, then it’s best to deal with them before they start becoming an issue. For example, if you are going to the bar with a bunch of friends and you know you are going to get drunk, then you should talk about that with your partner before you head out. Find out if she’s okay coming along; ask her if she minds if you drink that night; arrange for a ride home so that if she is bored and wants to leave early, she can do that.
You will know if any recreational drug use or alcohol is the cause of your problems because you will start to fight about it all the time. If this happens, you will probably just have to make a choice between your girlfriend and drugs or alcohol. It could be that you aren’t addicted to anything and that she’s just a prude who doesn’t approve of anything. If that’s the case, you might just want to leave her behind and more on to someone with more moderate views of social drinking and drug use. However, if you are suffering from serious problems because of your drug and alcohol use, then your problems extend further than your relationship and you should seek help.
