Should you wait for love? In some society's, marriage comes first - usually arranged - and then you fall in love later. This might be a good way to meet Mrs. Right, as most of us don't necessarily fall in love at first sight. This article will weigh the pros and cons of marrying someone who seems like a perfect fit, versus waiting until you fall in love at first sight. Should you hold out? Or should you jump in? Keep reading and find out.
Stage One – Take Inventory Of Yourself
Before embarking on any analysis of your partner and how you feel about her, you first need to take stock of what you are looking for. A lot of guys do crazy things as they get older – like get married. Guys also do crazy things when all their friends are getting married and having kids – like getting married. Guys also do crazy things when they think they are in love – like getting married. And the list goes on and on. The point is you need to decide the rationale behind any major decision, especially one as legally biding and lifelong as marriage. So you need to make a list – mental, paper or on a computer – to see if there is a reason why you want to get married at this particular stage in your life. Forget the whole fireworks/love at first sight/she was meant for me Hollywood crap – this is serious stuff. Any lifelong decision deserves to be treated seriously and analyzed thoroughly. So if at the end of this process you say to yourself – “yes, I really want to get married and get on with my life” – then it is time to go on two the next stage: taking inventory of her.
Stage Two – Take Inventory Of Her
Assuming you already have a particular someone in mind, then now you have to decide if she is right for you in the long-term. Yes, it is easy to get divorced these days, but getting married is a lot of work. Plus, how many years of your life do you really want to waste by marrying the wrong person? So this means you need to analyze your relationship for everything but love, then you can decide if love is part of the mix now or down the road. Taking inventory requires you to literally take stock of her attributes – personality, sense of humor, sex drive, lovemaking skills, passion, intelligence, parenting skills/potential, cleanliness, physical shape, etc. The list is long, and there is probably a lot more that could be added to it. The point is that all of these factors mean something to you, and none of them have anything to do with love. Is she your friend? Does she get along with your friends and family? Is she nice to animals? Will she ever cheat on you? Think hard about all these attributes, as the combined weight of all these attributes will most likely factor in as something more (or as) important as whether or not you love her.
Stage Three – Do You Love Her Or Not, And If You Don’t – Does It Really Matter?
So if you have now decided that she is the right one for you, then you have to ask yourself – do I love this person? Now this may seem like a silly question to some, but love is as hard to describe as it is to find. Not everyone falls in love the same way, and it can be very fleeting for others. And for others still, love takes time to grow or take root. So just because you don’t love this person right now, that does not mean you won’t love her after a few years. This is why it is so important to take inventory of what she is all about, as the closer she matches the traits and attributes of a woman you want to be with, the more likely it is that your relationship will grow into one that has love.
Stage Four – Growing Into Love
There are a lot of people that have a disease called “love at first sight.” Obviously this does happen for some, but in most cases this is a very fleeting phase that is often more closely aligned with passion and attraction, rather than the kind of love that can whether the good and bad times, and pass the test of time. For those that meet and marry within a year, they usually find out about flaws and other things that can kill a relationship over time. Comparatively, a relationship that has time to grow and develop, allows love to begin, take root, and grow. This means you may not love the person you want to marry, which is not a bad thing at all. It might even mean you are smarter than the average guy, as you have chosen someone you know will be a good match and that you will begin to love her as you build your lives together.
Stage Five – She Loves Me – Is That A Bad Thing?
She may love you passionately, but you are still not sure. This may seem like a dilemma, but the fact is it can be a great thing for your relationship. All it means is that she has reached a point in her feelings toward you that you have yet to achieve. It does not make you a bad person for marrying her, unless you are marrying her out of guilt. If anything, it should reinforce your decision, as she has already hit the spot where you are heading. In other words, you are both on the same page.
Last Words
If you are still fretting that you have to wait until you fall in love before you get married, then think again. Lots of cultures arrange marriages at birth, with the bride and groom not meeting until shortly before the wedding. And guess what? Their rates of divorce are some of the lowest in the world. So start looking for the one that makes the most sense, and then let your love grow – slowly.
