There is a right way and a wrong way to show the one you love how you feel. Some might even call it an art. The trick is to work on the little things, and never resort to buying her singing stuffed bears. Love is an art, and like most types of art – you need practice in order to do it right. Learning to find out what she cares about will make for a lot of happy memories and special occasions, and eliminate embarrassment. This article will give advice and tips on how you can show your love, without smothering your partner.
Getting Started
Assuming you have already found the object of your affection, chances are good that you have progressed enough to avoid major pitfalls. Most women won’t date a guy that has character traits they dislike, but sometimes they will give you a little time to see if you ‘change’. Depending on your actions, that grace period, however, can be very short lived. So you need to try and assess what she likes and dislikes, and make sure you can see through the initial “I’m-madly-in-love-and-you-can-do-no-wrong” phase. Here are some tips that will help you make your assessment:
Ask her about things she did before she met you. This will give you insight into her travel habits, friendships, family relations, music tastes, ex-boyfriends (and why they became exes), and most importantly – special memories. Things that she recalls fondly will give you great insight into what is meaningful to her.
Gauge her reaction to things you do together. For example, maybe she is only going to a baseball game because you like it. If you here the phrase, “I’ve never done this before” – chances are she may not like it. However, she may also be open to trying new things, but make sure you don’t let her nod her head lovingly every time she agrees to come fishing with you. Early stages of relationships can be misleading, since love can overpower honesty. Remember, she wants to please you as much as you want to please her, so she might mask her true desires.
Her friends and family are great sources of information. Often, a friend or family member will be privy to information she might not share with you. In fact, these sources might reveal how things are going in your
relationship, since your new found love will probably reveal more to them. You can always ask their advice, but don’t use them to pry into her past.
Check out what she wears and where she lives. If nothing else, you will get a great sense of her style. This will come in handy when you want to buy her a meaningful gift.
8 ways to show her you love her
Involve her family and friends in your plans. Remember, these people were around long before you got on the scene, and they will be the first to attack you if you try and exclude them from her life. In can be as simple as having dinner with her folks, or meeting her friends for drinks. You might feel awkward at first, but pay attention. The common ground you have with these people is the woman you love, so you will learn more about her likes and dislikes – information that you can put to good use down the road.
Give her some space. Although there are women out there who love to be smothered, most are the opposite. All new relationships have that early phase where you can’t spend enough time together, but it is important that she knows you are willing to give her some space. Her friends will appreciate it, since they will get the opportunity to talk to her about you when you are not around.
Have a life of your own. If you are willing to commit 100% of your free time to her, she might wonder why. It will help her image of you if she can see that you have friends and a functional life that is apart from her. Make her want to become a part of that life, not a major disruption in it.
Make the phone calls meaningful. A lot of guys can kill a relationship by calling too much, particularly in the early stages (remember that scene in Swingers?). Follow the simple rule of having a reason to call, and a ‘real’ reason at that. Fight the urge to call her to praise her endlessly, since this might come across as smothering. That being said, a lot of women like over-the-top attention, so you need to be flexible here. The chances are you will by trial and error, you just don’t want to scare her off.
Meaningful gifts. When you buy her a present, make sure it means something to her personally. You don’t have to buy her a gift she asks for just because she writes out a birthday present list. In the months and weeks leading up to a purchase, pay attention to what she needs or wants. She may pick something up in a store, but not buy it because of the price. When you give a gift that is unexpected and meaningful, it will demonstrate that you love her enough to pay attention to what she says and does. That gift will be the one she remembers.
Relationship building. One great way to demonstrate to her that this relationship means something to you is by doing things that build on it. For example: start your own Christmas traditions. This demonstrates that you plan on having more Christmases together, showing her you plan on being in this relationship for some time.
Saying I love you. A lot of people throw that phrase around like a football, until it loses all meaning. Timing is everything, so make sure that when you do tell her you love her, do it at times that have special meaning to both of you. And yes, it can be more than once a year, but try to attach meaning to the times you say it. That way you show you are serious, and that when you say you love her you actually mean it.
Kissing and touching. Words and actions go hand in hand, so make sure that when you kiss and touch, you do it like you are lovers. A lot of couples get a little to ‘buddy-buddy’ after time, so try and make the physical contact meaningful and avoid ‘back-pats’.
Final Thoughts
Just remember to think of love the same way you would anything that needs to be built strong in order to last. A solid foundation of respect, caring and meaning will allow your relationship to flourish. Devaluing or diminishing what it means to show love will have long-term negative affects. And if you are like most of us, you want to get it right the first time.
