The Player's Handbook: Asking A Woman Out

If you have been following my advice, you should now have a handful of phone numbers in front of you. Most likely you have already called these girls and gone on some dates with them. Some of these phone numbers that you have may be from girls that you are never going call, but nonetheless it was fun getting their phone numbers.

When it comes to phoning each girl, one of four things that may occur:

I am going to help you out with the above situations, but first we must fill you in with the psychology of the first call. First of all, if I get a girls number, I always call. I give the girl the benefit of the doubt, because you never know what may happen. You may have other things on your mind but you have to decide what you want to do. My theory is that if you ask for a girl's number you must be interested in her. Not interested? Then don't ask for her number. As for losing a girl's number, yes it happens, but if I ask for her number a second time, then make sure you call her.

When to Call - The Three Day Rule
Like we said before, everything from gathering up the courage to talk to her, the initial talking, and the setting up of the date is psychological. Every step requires you to think and be one step ahead.

As for the three day rule, it is psychological too. Say you get a number on Saturday night when you are at a coffee house with a couple of friends. When you get her number, you have four options:

Out of all four options, your best bet is to call her in a few days. Here is the theory behind each of the options.

Option 1: Never Call Her
This is probably the worst option of the four. If you never call her, not only will she be heartbroken, but she will also think you are an asshole and she will lose total respect for you. If you run into her again, she will probably want to slap you and not talk to you. If she does decide to talk to you, she will most likely be rude to you. Now if you think that is it, she will have told her friends about you and your antics, and they will also think you are a coward and never respect you. This may even snowball and ruin your chances with the other girls that she knows.

Option 2: Call Her the Next Day
If you call her the next day, two things may happen. The best case scenario is that she has not been in the dating scene for a while and she is happy that you called. Girls who have been in the dating scene for a while will think that you are desperate or too clingy. To her, you will be the type that will bend over backwards. If you think this is what women want, you are dead wrong. Women want someone who is interesting yet mysterious. They want a man with a backbone, someone with opinions, and someone with a mind of their own. Women who have dated a lot of men want excitement not a servant. When she doesn't get what she wants, you will be kicked to the curb because she has a list of other guys who are interested in her. Why do you think nice guys finish last?

Option 3: Call Her in a Week
If you forget to call her, she will think you are not interested in her and she will start to lose interest in you. By waiting over a week, you are giving her the idea that she is not worth your time. By the time that you do decide to call her, she will have brushed you off thinking that you will always do this to her. You may even fall into the "Asshole" category that the 'Never Call' guys fall into.

,b>Option 4: Call her in Three Days
Now by the third day, she is still wondering if you are going to call or not. She was excited that a guy asked for her phone number and is still expecting the guy to call. Here is a breakdown of what goes through a girls mind over the first three days.

For girls not in the dating scene:
The first day after you asked for her phone number, she is telling her friends that someone asked for her phone number. If she has not been in the dating scene for the last little bit, she will be waiting by the phone for you to call. By the second day, if you don't call, she will start to second guess herself, wondering if she is worth while, beautiful enough, or worthy enough for you to talk to her. By the third day she is waiting for your call and if you don't call then she will just take the loss. She is probably hurt emotionally and her girlfriends are telling her to forget about you.

For girls in the dating scene:
The first day after you asked for her phone number, she is telling her friends that someone asked for her phone number. She doesn't expect you to call the first day. If you do she may brush you off thinking you are desperate for a date. By the second day, if you don't call she will start to second guess herself, wondering if she is worth while, beautiful enough, or worthy enough for you to talk to her. By the third day she is waiting for your call and if you don't call then she will just take the loss. She doesn't get as hurt as the other girls. She knows that guys do this.

Before the Call
Before you make the first call, there are a couple things that you need to do. First of all you have to know what your exact plans are. For a first date, you NEVER want to take her on an elaborate date. Keep it short and simple like lunch or coffee. You don't want it to last too long because you need to screen this person to see if there is something wrong with her. There are a lot of girls out there that have issues and internal problems. You don't need to find a girl where after the first date she wants to marry you. Trust me, this date is needed. So pick a place to go (like a nice quaint coffee shop), a specific day to go, and a time that is convenient for you. Finally plan to meet her there. If she needs a ride, you can pick her up, but try to avoid this situation. If for some reason you do pick her up, then you make a comment about the rain forest that pisses her off for the rest of the date, you don't want to be driving her sorry ass home. Be confident, be brief, and be specific.

During the Call
Now that you are making the call, there are a few things that might happen:

1. No One Answers
I would only call a house two to three times. If no one answers after the third call I would not call again. By calling more that three times, you will look too desperate. If she doesn't answer your calls you can use this to your advantage the next time that you see her. All you have to do is say something like:

"I called you a couple times a few days after I last saw you but no one answered. It's too bad because I had a great date planned for you."

She will probably apologize and you can say: "Well if you are still interested, I can let you make it up to me."

2. Answering Machine or a Room-Mate answers
If you get the answering machine, leave a brief message saying something like: "Hello this is a message for Jane. I am just calling to see if you want to go out on Thursday for some coffee. If you are interested, we can head down to the Starbucks on Grant and Main. Give me a call so we can meet up. My number is: 555-1234."

Realize that most girls will not call you back ,so you will have to make a second effort. Now if you want, you can leave a second message, but never leave a third one. If you get the room mate, all you have to say is:

"I am just calling to see how she is doing." Be casual and act like you are one of her friends. Then ask: "Do you know when will she be home?"

If she doesn't give you a call back within the next day or so, you can try to get a hold of her again. Settle only for talking to her. After the third call I would not call her again.

3. They Answer but are Hesitant
If the girl answers the phone and they seem to be giving you the run around, you will need to do some work to get her to go out on a date with you. What you will need to do is:

If she still doesn't agree to going on a date after a few minutes, then leave the option open for her. Give her your phone number and let her call you if she wants to go out. If she does call, great. If not, there are many more fish in the sea.

Remember to keep the conversation between 10 and 15 minutes. Try not to get into big conversations and remember not to be too clingy.

4. She's Interested
If she is interested, then set specific times and make sure of the exact location. We all know how many Starbuck's exist in one city. Now break the conversation by saying you have to be somewhere in 10 minutes so you have to go.

Well, those are the basics with the first call. If everything goes well, she will meet you at the mentioned time and place. But before you get to the first date, you have to make sure you plan it properly. Next month we will go over the psychology of the first date. Good luck boys!