Religious miracles aside, all pregnancies start with some sort of
sex between a man and a woman. If your partner is pregnant, some sexual creativity may now be in order.
Sex during
pregnancy is usually safe unless your partner is told otherwise by her doctor or midwife. Always check first to be on the safe side.
Sex may be off limits if your partner has a history of premature birth or labour, has bleeding or is experiencing an active sexually transmitted disease.
Your partner might discover that pregnancy makes her want sex more than ever, due to hormonal changes. Many women experience added sensitivity during pregnancy and find orgasms last longer due to higher hormone levels and blood flow to the genitals. Increased vaginal lubrication and engorgement of the genitals helps some women become orgasmic for the first time or even multi-orgasmic. Each couple's experience is unique, but a woman's reactions tend to be closely tied to her stage of pregnancy.
The big physical changes in the first three months of pregnancy may create a wide range of feelings in your partner. Although her hormones might be making her want sex, she might be anxious during this time and afraid of harming the baby or causing a miscarriage. If she is suffering from morning sickness (which can occur any time of the day) or is having food aversions or cravings, she won't feel very sexy at all. She will most likely be extremely tired during this time, so some understanding on your part is needed. Growing a person takes a lot of energy, leaving her fatigued and sleepy during the first few weeks of pregnancy. The first trimester can be a fun time sexually however, since your partner won't be afraid of getting pregnant. If you've been trying to get pregnant for awhile, this can be a time to get back to having sex just for fun.
Your partner's anxieties may subside during the middle of her pregnancy. Her morning sickness and fatigue will probably lessen during this time too. As the baby grows, sex may become more difficult in the missionary position-this is the time to experiment! You might find it easier to have sex with your partner on top, by spooning (you behind your partner, rear entry) or hands and knees (doggy style). You could even try sitting on a sturdy chair and have your partner sit on your lap. Where there's a will, there's a way! With a little experimenting, you are sure to find a technique that works for both of you.
Oral sex is a good alternative if these other positions don't feel good for your partner. It won't harm the baby in any way, provided you're in a monogamous relationship where you are both HIV-negative. If either of you are not sure of your HIV status, then you need to use a dental dam (a sheet of latex placed between your mouth and your partner's genitals) since there is the possibility of transmitting the HIV virus through small cuts or scrapes in the mouth.
During the last few weeks of pregnancy, your partner might be feeling unattractive and sore as the baby grows. Anxiety over the coming birth might also be worrying her, so she might not be in the mood for sex anymore. Don't put a lot of physical demands on your partner now - this is the time to nurture feelings of closeness through gentle touching, cuddling, holding and hugs. Mutual masturbation might be a good idea if your partner is too uncomfortable for intercourse. She might be afraid to orgasm now though because it can cause uterine contractions, but in a normal pregnancy this shouldn't be a concern. The baby may move around a lot after orgasm, but that's due to your partner's faster heart rate, not because the baby knows what's going on or feels pain.
Most men find their partner as attractive as ever throughout the pregnancy, but you might be concerned about her health and the baby's too. Maybe the burdens of parenthood are worrying you. You might even feel self-conscious about having sex in front of your unborn child. These concerns might put a damper on your mood but that's normal and to be expected.
Your partner's pregnancy will cause a lot of changes in your relationship. Keep being creative! As well as needing to find ways to make intercourse comfortable, you will also need good communication and a sense of humour to keep your relationship strong - your partner will need to know that you still find her attractive even if she gets as big as a house. And you understanding and affection now will go far in showing what kind of father you're going to be after the baby arrives. Don't flunk the test!
