Sexual Encyclopedia - BDSM, Bondage & Sadomasochism

The realm of BDSM expands into many different areas and the acronym actually breaks down into three different definitions:

BD - Bondage and Discipline
DS - Domination and Submission
SM - Sadomasochism

Though many people see BDSM as a taboo sexual practice, in reality, it is something that many people do. Although you may not know it, we all have done some form of BDSM play in the bedroom. This month's encyclopedia deals strictly with words related to BDSM.

Why BDSM?
There are many reasons why people love the idea of BDSM. First it gives one person control (dominant) while the other person has to submit to him or her (submissive). The person that is dominant gets pleasure from the person that they have tied up. They enjoy seeing someone at their mercy, someone that is confined, someone that submits to their every desire. The submissive gets pleasure from the fact that someone will discipline them if they are bad. Before anything starts, both parties get into their mindset and in the end it is just another form of role playing.

Safe Word
A safe word is a word that is designated by both parties that will be used to stop any game that is being played. With games that involve control and power, a safe word is used to tell the other party that you are uncomfortable with the situation. Good safe words include words like 'red' or 'mercy.' Stop is not a good safe word since sometimes the phrase, "Don't stop", might slip out. No matter if you are engaging in Bondage or Discipline, Domination or Submission, or just even role playing, a safe word should always be selected ahead of time.

Bondage and Discipline
Bondage and Discipline play on the control and power factor of sex. When it comes to bondage, many believe that the person that is getting tied up is without their will or consent - but in reality, both parties consent to what is going to happen and how far it can go. There will always be one person that is in charge and one person who will be bound when it comes to Bondage and Discipline. The person that is in charge, the Top, will be in control and will have to the power to do as that person wishes to the person who is tied up, the Bottom.

Bondage - Basic Play
For the beginner, you can start by having intercourse and holding your partner's wrists above her head so she cannot move them. If your partner is receptive to this basic form of bondage, then you can move forward to use restraints, such as silk scarves, to lightly tie your partner's wrists to the bed post. If all goes well, move on to rope, leather restraints, or handcuffs. One think you can do while your partner is tied up is blindfold them. From here you can kiss her body and enjoy the control that you have.

Discipline - Basic Play
When disciplining your partner, many people first think of spanking. Although spanking is one form of discipline, you can also do things such as tell them what to do (such as, "suck my cock right now") or make them do something that they regularly would not do or participate in.

When discipline involves spanking, make sure you start off with light slaps, increasing power after each hit. From there you can gauge how your partner is taking the pain. Again, the power you have behind the slap will all depend on what your partner can handle. In any event, always discuss afterwards what was enjoyed and what needs some modification. Every person has a threshold that you don't want to cross. If your partner can handle more, you can move into paddles, cat of nine tails, whips, or even canes.

Domination and Submission
Like bondage and discipline, domination and submission is another form of role playing where power is involved, but again it starts off when both parties consent to what is going to happen during the course of the sex play. The dominant in this case takes pleasure when he or she is in control, while the submissive loves it when the dominant is in control. Which ever role you choose, you will need to walk each other through what is going to happen and how extreme it may get. The one who is in control, also called the Top, will dominate the person who submits, also known as the Bottom.

Domination and Submission - Basic Play
When it comes to dominance you can start off by asking your partner to refer to you as master for the entire night. Every time that they do not refer to you as Master, you will be allowed to spank them once. So if they ask for a pillow, the must say: "Can I have a pillow, Master."

Now two things can happen in this scenario. First of all your partner can be naughty and not refer to you as master or your partner can be submissive and call you master the entire night.

Another thing that you can do is make sure that your partner listens to every thing that you say. Again, if she doesn't listen, you are allowed to discipline her. So if you call her over and tell her: "Suck my cock," and she doesn't, then you are permitted to discipline her.

Remember when playing these power games, you must get into the mindset where you are almighty and your partner must listen.

Sadomasochism (S/M)
S & M is an abbreviation for Sadist/Masochist or Sadomasochism. This is probably the most extreme of the three mentioned BDSM games and involves scenarios where pain is involved. With this game it is the utmost importance to talk about safe words and boundaries for play. Basically, a Sadist is a person who enjoys giving pain while a Masochist is someone who gets pleasure from receiving pain.

Sadomasochism (S/M) - Basic Play
Basic S & M play starts off with easy things such as biting, nibbling and scratching but can move into spanking if both parties agree. Other fun games you can have with S/M include candle wax on the skin, nipple clamps, and caning.

Related Words