Think your little men are worthy of populating the planet? Or perhaps the thought of someone finally paying you to jerk off (where were sperm banks when you were 15!?!) is really appealing. Whatever the motive, you should probably do a little research about donating sperm before you set your mind to it. It's not as simple as wandering around downtown Manhattan with a paper cup of your spunk, offering to sell it to people who look like they might need a little of your creamy love.
Coming in a cup
First things first, donating sperm will require you to come on the spot, in a cup, and with relative frequency. Some donation banks will pay you on a contract basis, if your sperm is of good to high quality. This might not sound like a big deal, but if you plan on donating sperm regularly, your sex life (or masturbation time) may be affected. Sperm banks want you to drop your load off with them, and not lose it in the shower in the morning. So while abstinence isn't required, timing your intimacies is important.
Money for your jizz
If you just realized that you've been throwing away good money every time you flush a condom, your vision of the sperm bank donation system is probably a little exaggerated. You will, of course, get paid for your deposit at the bank, but coming in a clinic on a regular basis certainly won't make you a high roller. Depending on the bank, your payment might vary from a few dollars a shot to a couple of hundred. Once again, this depends on whether your little warriors are actually still alive and moving, amongst other things. And keep in mind that sperm is relatively easy to come by. In fact, you might have picked some up on your shoe in your walk through the park this morning. Seriously, acquiring sperm is much easier than purchasing eggs, for instance, a process that is much more difficult and in return, pays more money. But, you won't know how much financial potential is resting between your legs until you contact a sperm bank in your city to find out about their prices. But perhaps money doesn't matter if you are of the belief that you, as a man, are here to go out and populate the earth. And if that's your attitude, donating sperm might be the only chance you ever have of getting close to getting laid, so by all means, go for it.
Are you the right man for the job?
Sperm banks won't (let's hope they are following procedure!) accept sperm from anyone. You will require an initial consultation with someone from the sperm bank to find out more about you. While they don't necessarily discriminate against old, fat or short men, you should be aware of the fact that many sperm bank "˜customers' prefer to purchase the sperm of tall, good-looking, healthy, young and successful men. What does this mean for you? You're sperm will not be considered a premium specimen (by customers and the bank alike) if you are overweight, over the age of 34, or just plain stupid (they want to see that you have achieved some degree of success, which most often requires proof that you've earned a university or college degree. In addition to those unofficial stipulations, your sperm will not be accepted if you have (or have had) an STD, including, but not limited to AIDS, herpes, and venereal warts.
So, what are the qualities of great sperm anyway?
Assuming you fit the mold of the ideal sperm donation candidate. You are tall, handsome, healthy, and made of money. There are a few different ways to measure the value of sperm.
First, sperm banks will look for, quite simply, your sperm count. Do you have eight million guys swimming around in there or only six? This will play a large role in whether your donations will be accepted in the future. Second, your sperm motility will be examined, a fancy way to describe how your boys move around"”can they swim or will they drown? Third, since your mojo will be frozen and kept in storage at the sperm bank until it is put to use, your freeze-ability factor must be tested. This is another reason why young sperm donors are preferred"”apparently the sperm of a younger man is easier to freeze and then unfreeze (without losing its effectiveness). Four, they will look at your sperm morphology count, which refers to the number of your sperm that "˜look' normal, as opposed to being malformed or deformed. According to semen analysis specialists, this test is the most unpredictable, but things like drugs, smoking, infection, and infrequent ejaculation might contribute to your sperm growing two heads.
Your responsibilities
After making the cut"”you've been tested for weird looking sperm as well as several diseases, you will be required to sign a contract with the sperm bank with whom you've chosen to do business. Now, it isn't likely to say that you must give two weeks written notice before deciding sperm donation just isn't for you, although you will be signed to a contract and expected to produce samples on a regular basis. More importantly, the contract is signed to avoid horrible legal issues of parental rights and other messy stuff. Your children"”there could be hundreds of them"”will be anonymous to you (unless they and you choose otherwise, then you will meet on Oprah in a heartfelt reunion). Well, perhaps not that many children. Most banks take your genes off the sales rack after a specified amount of time"”perhaps to ensure that in 20,000 years, we won't all be so genetically deformed that we have all grown webbed feet and need coke-bottle lenses to see.
