This is the seventh instalment of a regular series about Urban
SEX Legends. These are stories that you have heard late at night, from some guy or girl you don’t know, about some horror story involving
sex gone wrong. Our mission is to tell the story in its shocking entirety, then see if we can label it fact or fiction. So read on, if you dare, and enter the always fascinating, sometimes horrifying world of Urban
SEX Legends.
The Legend
Bambi was always an adventurous girl. She read every single piece of literature she could find that had to do with sex, and sex accessories. You see, Bambi was single and had perfected the fine art of masturbation. She had herself an impressive array of vibrators, dildos and other toys, but it was her latest acquisition that was really exciting. Bambi had always seen Ben Wah balls in the store, but she never bothered to get them. Essentially, they are supposed to help tighten and strengthen the vaginal muscles. You see, Bambi was worried that her months of vibrator and dildo use may be having an enlarging effect on her vagina, so she felt that the Ben Wah balls might help with the problem. Plus, as an added bonus, she could slip insert them in the morning and wear them all day long.
That Monday, Bambi slipped in the balls, got dressed in her favourite short skirt, and headed off to work. Being a high school teacher, Bambi always took care to dress appropriately, but she liked to look good. Although the balls were a little cold at first, she soon barely noticed they were there. She got to work feeling excited about her little secret, and when she stood in front of the class, she was positively glowing. And that is when things started to go wrong.
You see Bambi didn’t look to closely at her Ben Wah balls. Rather than getting the plain ones, which are mainly for strengthening, she bought the vibrating kind, which react to sound. When the first period bell went off, so did Bambi. The extra long bell caused the bells to vibrate so hard that she came before it ended. She stood there in shock, staring out at her surprised students. Flustered, she quickly sat behind her desk and tried to concentrate. But it was no use, once activated – the balls seemed to vibrate with every students question, the sound of footsteps, and nearly every sound. To make matters worse, the next period was fast approaching.
Again the bell went off, and again Bambi had an orgasm. She was too stunned too move, and she did not have time to run to the bathroom to remove the balls. This happened two more times before lunch period, and by this time Bambi was flushed and could barely stand. She left the classroom and made her way to the staff washrooms, located inside the staff lunchroom. She ran inside, slamming the door behind her, triggering another orgasm. The other teachers stared at her as she began to moan, flush, and nearly collapse. The Principal grabbed her arm to help her, and that is when the unthinkable happened. Either the angle was just right, or the vibrations and wetness was too great, whatever the reason, one of those shiny vibrating balls slipped out, got past her thong, and bounced on to the floor. The principal reacted instinctively and caught it on the first bounce. He looked puzzled at first, until he realized what he had buzzing in his hands. After taking a whiff of the ball, he smiled and gave it back to Bambi.
Fact or Fiction?
Fact! This story was told to me by one of Bambi’s friends. Bambi was mortified, but eventually she got over it. Furthermore, the principal was always extra nice to her, especially on days when she wore a skirt!
The Legend
The pumpkin. Long has it been carved for Halloween, but what about for sex? There have been many documented cases of men screwing pumpkins, but none as interesting as Patrick Lawrence. The 22 year old was trolling home drunk one night, when his noticed a pumpkin patch. Horny, drunk, and pumpkins…sounds like a match made in heaven! After carving a hole in the pumpkin, Patrick began to screw it. He was so busy enjoying himself, that he failed to notice the County police car approaching, nor did hear officer Brenda Taylor walk up behind him.
In the end, the pumpkin had to be destroyed, since it was no longer fit for human consumption. Patrick pleaded guilty to lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency, and public intoxication, and he has promised to stay away from the produce section in the supermarket.
Fact or Fiction?
Of course this one is true. Hell, who hasn’t thought about taking a run at a pumpkin? Patrick even tried to joke his way out of the arrest, but the officer wasn’t laughing.
In Conclusion…
The best bet for weird kinky shit is to do it at home. Be it pumpkins or Ben Wah balls, the last thing you want to do is share with your friends, coworkers or the local police. So if you do decide to bring a pumpkin home, make sure you warm it up in the oven first. The seeds will be bad enough, so there is no reason why you have to be cold as well!
