This is the second instalment of a regular series about Urban
SEX Legends. These are stories that you have heard late at night, from some guy or girl you don't know, about some horror story involving
sex gone wrong. Our mission is to tell the story in its shocking entirety, then see if we can label it fact or fiction. So read on, if you dare, and enter the always fascinating, sometimes horrifying world of Urban
SEX Legends.
The Girl From the Office
How many of you out there work with a sexy co-worker? Office romance is on everyone's mind - male and female - which is why so many companies forbid office relationships of any kind. But you can't let a little thing like threats of termination scare you away. If anything, that should just make it more exciting. This week's tale comes from the office, no pun intended. It's about a guy named Mike who got up the nerve to ask out a cute, blonde co-worker named Sally. This is their story...
The Legend
Picture a small software company, with most of the staff being twenty-something's. Mike had worked for this particularly company for more than 5-years as a software engineer. He prided himself on his good looks. He never had a problem scoring with the ladies, and flirted with all the young women who worked in the office. And there were plenty of women. The owner liked to hire fresh grads, and being a single male, he often hired attractive young women. But, he told them all - male and female - that dating within the company was not permitted. Look, but don't touch!
Mike abided by these rules, but he never let up on the flirting. He always pushed the envelope, and most of the women played along. That is until Sally was hired. That's when things got out of hand. Sally was hot! A tall blonde, blue eyes, and a body to die for - all that and she was into computers! Mike was in lust, but he only flirted, not wanting to jeopardize his cool job. Sally, however, wanted more than a tease.
She corned him one day in the supply room, and before Mike could open his mouth, she covered it with hers. After an agonizing, seductive kiss, she pressed a piece a paper with her number on it into his hands. "Call me." She turned and left, leaving Mike gasping for breath and wanting more. Much more. He called her that night and they agreed to meet at an out-of-the-way bar, where none of their fellow workers would ever go. The bar was located conveniently close to Mike's upscale condominium.
Mike showed up early, and Sally was already there - a good sign. They kissed again, and it was obvious that this night was going to be a memorable one. Sally was wearing a hot red top and a short skirt. They started drinking to help dispel any remaining tension. Wine led to beer, beer led to Martinis, Martinis led to Tequila body shots. They took turns sucking salt and lemon off each other's flesh, followed by the burning rush of Tequila. Half clothed and sticky, they stumbled out of the bar and headed for Mike's condo.
The minute they got inside, they started to kiss. Sally was laughing and, as she slumped onto his white leather sofa, she asked him to bring her a glass of water. He went to the kitchen, stripping off his clothes as he went, poured the water and came back outside. There was Sally, passed out cold on the sofa. He tried to wake her up, but it was no use. Too much Tequila. Mike was mad, but he was no rapist. He sighed, left her where she was and went to bed.
A few hours later, after going to the washroom, Mike got up to check on Sally. He secretly hoped she might be awake and that a late night romp might still happen. He went into the living room, something was wrong. Sally was still asleep, but she had puked all over the sofa, the floor and herself. The mess was unbelievable, and the couch look ruined. Mike swore, then turned and went back to his bed. He would deal with the mess in the morning.
Another two hours go by, and Mike decides to check on Sally again. The last thing he wants from her now is sex. He just wants to make sure she isn't dead. The good news is she didn't throw up again. The bad news is, this time she couldn't hold her bowels. With her skirt pulled halfway down, she did the nasty deed on the couch. The smear led from a disgusting pile on the floor, up the couch to where her skirt rested on her legs. Mike was too shocked to say anything, not that passed out Sally would have heard him. He stumbled back to bed.
In the morning, he eventually had to wake her up. She was more horrified than he was and offered to clean up. Mike just asked her to leave. No morning sex, not with her, not ever!
Fact or Fiction?
Not only is this true, I have met both persons in the story. My buddy Mike eventually came to find this story funny, even though his couch had to be professionally cleaned. He told everyone the tale, and most of us made it a point to drop by the office to meet the infamous Sally. For some reason, she never quit. I guess she pretended it never happened.
Conclusion
Asking the girl out from the office is always exciting, but as we can see - it can also lead to other problems. Your best bet is to go easy on the booze, that way neither of you will humiliate yourselves, only to be talked about for years afterwards as 'Sally Poopy Pants.'
